I am bored. The whole time I am bored.
Bored of school, because I am not interested in the things we have to learn and because I have no one to talk to, because I don’t have friends. The main reason I don’t have friends is: I get tired of them. I’m even tired on my way to school. Same way to the Underground, passing the Mall every day, sitting in the same Underground, passing the same flats and when it goes under the earth you only see a desolate, glum, black, going through another mall and being in my classroom, late as ever. Nothing special. The only thing that touches me are the poor people who live in the underground station. I am thinking about what could have happened that they don’t have their own home? Maybe they came from another country and hoped to have a better life here…but they don’t. Or maybe they did something to upset God and now He’s punishing them…but maybe it wasn’t even their fault? Maybe God just punished the wrong one. 

Because I’m mostly bored, I think a lot. A lot of: Does God really exist or is it all just fate, and if God exists, why are there so many poor people who are looking for shelter and love? What did they do to deserve something like this? Do they even deserve this? What about second chances, will they get one? 

You can ask so many questions and you won’t find an answer to all of them! 

That is what I think when I get too confused from all the questions that I ask myself, but I always end up being bored. So I start asking questions again. What do I need to be really happy? Sometimes I ask God and hope for help, but I just don’t get answers. Or do I just not see the answer?

Mostly, to get my mind off of all these questions, I listen to music and read a book. The music and the stories draw me in, let me sink into beautiful places, places far away from home. I get sick. Sick because I want to see something new and find something special. Or maybe I just need a special person who understands me without me saying anything because I don’t speak a lot about myself. 

What I need is a change of scene. New flats, malls, new landscape and new people. What I need is an adventure. Far away from home. All by myself, alone, on my own somewhere where I don’t know anyone, where I can see new things. 

Now I am here. All by myself. Alone. On my own. I’ve met new people. Got a new family. A new home. In a completely different country with a landscape I haven’t seen in this way before. A landscape that always leaves me with goosebumps. People are so much nicer than at home. Something like that could never get me bored.

And something like that could never be true! 

And then I wake up. Next to me lies my favourite cuddle toy. And when I get out of my bed and look out of my window I can see the Mall I pass every day and in some distance the flats I will pass when I enter the Underground. The same people over and over and over again. 

I want to scream. But I don’t want my parents to ask questions. Why did you scream? Is everything okay? I don’t want to tell them that I feel trapped. Trapped at home. I don’t want to make them sad. But deep down I know that they already know how I feel.  

But nothing can keep me from dreaming, hoping and believing that someday I will find a place that I can call home, where I am not bored from the people, the view, and the things I do. I know that there is a place where I can be myself and be l and welcomed by people I never saw before. I would take every chance I have got to get away from here to the place of my dreams. So I reach out to take a chance. A chance in a million. The chance to get away from home, from people I used to know, from views I used to see, into a completely new world. 

I am from Austria, a place people here don’t really know. Now I am in Idaho, a place which people back home don’t really know. I am feeling welcomed by all these people I have never seen before. I am feeling free in this land that doesn’t seem to end. I am feeling loved by my new family and friends. I am finally happy. I start to learn to laugh, tell how I feel, and to open up. I learn things I couldn’t have learned back home. I can see differences. I can say:”You are crazy for what you are doing for fun. Crash poor cars.” I can see similarities: Everyone in Europe wants to see America and Americans want to see Europe. 

But I’ve got the chance to be here, right in this place where I am now, and I can call this place home.